The Beginning

The Beginning
I don’t remember what day of the week it was. But, I remember feeling like I never have before. I guess the first thing to happen was seeing the Oprah episode with Mackenzie Phillips. Don’t ask me why I watched this. I don’t like Oprah, I didn’t really know who Mackenzie was but it caught my interest when they mentioned The Mamas and the Papas and that whole “family secret” thing, that could have just been television drama to get viewers. I watched this show and was speechless. She seemed so together on national TV talking about this. I couldn’t even imagine being in her shoes. Unlike the comments you see on the internet, the first thought in my mind was not that she was trying to make money and ruin her dad’s name. I identified with her for some reason. I could understand why she waited until now to come out with this. I was able to read Mackenzie’s book in October 2009. My therapist noticed that I appeared to be strangely connected to Mackenzie, someone who I knew very little about prior to watching Oprah. I could practically hear myself saying some of the things written in her book. While I did not become a full blown drug addict, likely due to parental intervention and threatening, I used drugs to deal with my life and the problems that I didn’t know were problems. I struggle with self injury and it’s true, addiction is addiction. When I feel like cutting, I try to remember nothing is bad enough that I need to hurt myself. It has been working for the most part and one day I will say this is behind me.

I’m not really sure when I stumbled across Angela Shelton…I think it was in February or March of this year. I should remember the date, like one would remember a sobriety date, because it changed my life. I think I heard about her through someone on the Mackenzie Phillips fan page, but then it gets a little fuzzy. For the longest time, I didn’t think I fit in with this group of people because the things that happened to me were not textbook abuse. I finally decided to share pieces of what happened on other blogathons and people told me I was a survivor. In my heart, I didn’t believe them but I also had some validation for my feelings that I have never had before. When my mother found out about what I was doing, she snubbed her nose and said I wasn’t abused. My dad mocked me. Maybe I wasn’t abused at the hands of a family member, or raped, but I definitely had things happen that have shaped my self esteem and who I am. I have this pull towards some special people I’ve met through Angela Shelton and they know who they are. I’ve learned a lot about not comparing and I know that I wouldn’t have anything in common with these girls had it not been for my past.
SQUISH! -Amy

BLOGATHON!!!! 9/11/2010

Hey all!

A blogathon is where you post blogs for 24hrs straight every half hour to raise money for a cause and ours is for the Survivor Manual. The Survivor Manual is an online help for survivors of abuse in need of comfort or ways to heal from their past. Or to just know that there are others of us out there that understand, that a survivor is Never Alone.Our blogathon is extra special because its also a vlogathon which means you can watch us live for 24 hrs. Which means things will probably get a bit silly! hahaha! So I hope you will stop by! Pease help us in supporting Survivor Manual! www.survivormanual.com

Watch us live here:

http://www.ustream.tv/channel/kerrysmiles

Visit the blog here:

http://kerrysmiles.blogspot.com/

Donate here:

http://www.firstgiving.com/kerrysheehan

This website has resources for survivors of sexual abuse. Please visit the site for more information!

Thanks,

Kerry and Amy

Its a new Dawn... its a new day...its a new life....And....I'm feeling goooooood!

So I got a new job! I will now be the Assistant Ropes Course Director at Camp Wah Tut ca! Its a boyscout camp. I am super excited about it! The only thing I worry about is being with boys the whole summer...I will have to spend time with the "girls" every Saturday!

On June 2nd I am going to Texas. First to Dallas to visit with Amy then we will drive to Houston and I will fly home from there. I am so excited I will get to ride horses! I can't wait!!! We are also going to come up with a talent for conference in Oct!!! I can't wait!!!

A quote that I truly understand.

People are always telling me to smile, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain. Well I've tried that I've tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in smiles and what I've learned is that when it hurts this much inside your heart always has a way of showing it no matter how many masks you wear.

Celebrate!!!

The last six months or so I have been working on helping my inner child find Joy!! I recently painted my room purple which was my favorite color as a child. I readopted it as my color! I love these quotes about the inner child.

"I am often accused of being childish. I prefer to interpret that as child-like. I still get wildly enthusiastic about little things. I tend to exaggerate and fantasize and embellish. I still listen to instinctual urges. I play with leaves. I skip down the street and run against the wind. I never water my garden without soaking myself. It has been after such times of joy that I have achieved my greatest creativity and produced my best work." ~Leo F. Buscaglia, Bus 9 to Paradise

"Think what a better world it would be if we all - the whole world - had cookies and milk about three o’clock every afternoon and then lay down with our blankies for a nap." ~Robert Fulghum, All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten

"My childhood may be over, but that doesn't mean playtime is. " ~Ron Olson

"Children have neither past nor future; they enjoy the present, which very few of us do." ~Jean de la Bruyere

So lets all start taking sometime to just be. Stop and enjoy the present. Try looking at things the way a child would. Love your little you!

Little Kerry and I are going to play now! Love you all!

My blog-a-thon!!

I will be staying up for 24 hours posting every half hour to raise money for the Angela Shelton Foundation!

Who: Me
What: Blog-a-thon
When: Sept 11th 2010 @9am
Where: From My place
Why: Because its time to break the silence and move on to a life of Joy!

How you can help!!!
DOnate here!

Love you all!
Kerry :)

Purple!

Children bring me Joy. I don't have any of my own but I have my neice and my friends children. They are a good place to witness constant joy and a good example of how to have joy. I have recently been trating my inner child by honoring the things she loved for example the color purple. WHen I was a little girl my favourite color was purple so I have decided to have it so again. I painted my room purple and have been getting more purple clothing. I even painted my nails purple yesterday! I love loving the inner child in me because she didn't get as much love as she deserved! This week try to love the inner child in you!!!