There is a shadow that follows me wherever I go. She is the girl who has survived so much more than anybody should ever have to survive. It’s so hard to love her, when all I want to do is blame her; blame myself for what happened. I can’t go into detail, see, I did once and it was reported. I have to talk to social workers, detectives, and counselors.
That little girl always seems to get in the way. She covers my eyes with blindness when I least expect and jumps into my heart when I least need it. The shadow follows me everywhere, to school, to work, and home. Sometimes the sun is beaming down in the right spot and I cannot see her, but I know she’s there. That little shadow, her name is Boo. She got that name when she was 3 years old. Almost all of her family calls her that. She doesn’t really like it. It reminds her of very bad things.
When bad things would happen, Boo blamed herself. As she grew older she continued to do so. Not only was she blaming herself for her past, but things that happened in the present. Sometimes Boo really was at fault, but more often than not, she was the last person who should be blamed. Boo would beat herself up for everything. All of her thoughts were negative ones, always swearing at herself and hurting herself. Boo even tried to kill herself when things got too hard to handle. She just wanted to be happy, but couldn’t get past the pain.
Boo is Beth when I can’t stay in the present. Boo is the little girl who saved my life when bad things would happen. Boo never did anything wrong, she was just a little girl trying to survive when times got tough. It’s not Boo’s fault, and It’s not my fault. It's not your fault, I promise. You can survive, and you will. We are strong.
1 comment:
I think so many of us will understand who Boo is and I know we all have those that still follow in their own way, protect me to this day
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